Going cuckoo

I don't know why suddenly all the bitter memories of the year came rushing back. When you're left alone too long with nothing to do but study your mind starts getting weird. Or you start using multiple exclamation marks. I hate the feeling of helplessness, I hate looking back and thinking "how pathetic". Letting all those things happen. Drowning in self-pity, that's always the easy way out isn't it? Those feelings of frustration, that sensation of trying to break through the brick wall but instead breaking yourself. The feelings of regret and wanting to scream "I am not that person!" but knowing that it would be a lie. Inability to face yourself. Inability to let go of mistakes past, stories past, ghosts long gone. Feeling so immensely furious with yourself and not knowing what to do because you have to live with yourself every day. Cloaking and masking everything under the hustle and bustle of scurrying around and busying yourself with mundane monotonous tasks. Smiling and laughing and small talk. Life goes on and on. Is that what we do? To escape the shadows in our head. It's just hard to see the light of day sometimes.