I am back from Salzburg, Vienna and Bratislava.

I think we are alike in the sense that we take a long time to forgive or forget. Actually I don't think we ever forget.

I am amazed with how furious I can become -- and it scares me.

It will take a while. Hopefully we're on the right path.

Please, let peace reign for the time being.

Also, this post has nothing to do with the title.

You just don't get it, do you?

Over and over and over again.

How many times before you're happy?

You just don't get it at all!

Why am I doing this, seriously?

In fact, why are you doing this?

Thankfully there is an upcoming exogenous variable that will determine the next equilibrium.

And don't ask me about this post.

Just push me over the edge, already.

Frustration

Cut cut cut!

It's too late!

Transparency

"Up-to-the-minute information, all posted on the Internet, is the manner in which the Obama administration in the United States is keeping Americans updated on how taxpayer money is being spent on stimulus packages in the country." -Charles Santiago, Malaysiakini

And what's Malaysia doing?

RM60 billion stimulus? Where exactly is that money going? How is it being accounted for?

For that matter, where did the first RM7 billion go?

I don't understand how anyone could still feel apathetic.

Pause.

O world, let me have my little bubble where I can piece together my thoughts.

Tied -- we hate that word, don't we?

Paths

In spite of all the what-ifs and what-might-have-beens, I honestly love London and the experience I am getting here. I would not trade it for an experience anywhere else.

I wish I could write a whole exposition on why I feel this way -- but I need to get back to determining the optimal deposit contract offered by a bank in the Diamond-Dybvig two-period banking model.

Exhilarating stuff.

(No, really, I actually do enjoy what I study... most parts of it anyway.)

Broken.

You can sort things out with other people, but the hardest thing to do is to sort things out with yourself.

The breaking of the principle. Everything else stems from that--everything else is secondary. I, even knowing all the rules, even after countless times of managing perfectly well--I fell.

"Just move on with your life," is easier said than done.

Upset as I am with all the things that happened as a consequence, I am even more upset with myself for even allowing it to come to that point. Everything would not have happened if not for that root cause--which no one else but myself is responsible for.

I have no problem admitting my mistakes.
But I do have a problem forgiving myself for them.